Kirjoittaja Aihe: The 100: I still wake up, I still see your ghost | K-11 | 1/6 | in English  (Luettu 248 kertaa)

Lyra

  • ***
  • Viestejä: 1 353
Fandom: the 100 (TV)
Vastuunvapaus: En omista kyseistä sarjaa, enkä saa tästä tuotoksesta rahaa
Ficin nimi: I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Kirjoitta: Lyra
Beta: a-nonbinarypidge-universe
Ikäraja: K-11
Varoitukset: -
A/N: Julkaisin tämän aiemmin jo AO3:ssa, mutta kirjoitin uudestaan enkkuhaasteen myötä.



I still wake up, I still see your ghost



Prologue
Clarke knows that Bellamy would want her to tell him. She knows how Bellamy would react to the news and what would happen after that. Bellamy would refuse to leave and the possibility of getting all the Azgeda leaders to jail for the rest of their lives would be lost. That’s why Clarke can’t tell him. Bellamy would want to do the right thing and Clarke couldn’t possibly let him do that.

It’s not like they’re really together. At least, they haven’t talked about it. Despite the fact that Bellamy has ended up sleeping over at Clarke's place more and more. They can’t go to Bellamy’s - Octavia still lives at home and despite the fact that Bellamy wouldn’t mind, Clarke can’t have sex while knowing that her best friend, and Bellamy’s little sister, is sleeping in the next room.

Clarke has two best friends: Raven and Octavia. They have known each other for ages and usually Clarke tells them absolutely everything. Not this time. Clarke can’t even consider telling Octavia - she would accidentally blurt that out to her brother. Raven wouldn't tell Bellamy but she would make Clarke tell him herself, and that is basically the same thing. So no one knows that Clarke is pregnant, no one but Clarke herself.

Since she can't tell any of her friends nor her family she has to make the decision herself. And that's easy, don’t tell Bellamy. She might end up raising her future child alone, but she can't tell Bellamy. Bellamy is all about doing the right thing. Clarke knows him. So she doesn't say a word when Bellamy calls her one last time before leaving. At the end of the phone call, there is a short silence, Bellamy breathes heavily to the phone and it almost feels like he is right next to her

"Bye Clarke. Take care", Bellamy says. No "I love you", no "I'll miss you" just "take care". And Clarke almost cries when she hangs up and puts her phone away. Bellamy will be gone for five years. By then their child will have already been born, be over 4 years old. Clarke feels bad that her child has to grow up without father, but it's better that way. She knows that being a teenage-mom will be difficult, but she will survive that. She is strong - that's what her father used to tell her, and what her mom still says.

And it's only going to be for the next five years. After a couple of months, she could tell her mom and stepdad about the child. And she would tell Raven and Octavia the second she was sure that Bellamy could not come back. It wasn’t because she didn't love him, (she did) but she wasn’t t ready to commit and she wanted Bellamy to take this job. After all, it was her dad who was dead because of the Azgeda. And if she had told Bellamy, they would be married in few months (because that was the right thing to do with a pregnant woman) and she was too young for that. Well some could say she was too young to have a child, but that was already happening.

Maybe Bellamy hadn't told her that he would miss her, but Clarke would certainly miss him. That feeling would ease over the years, but it would always be there. She still missed her father but  it didn't make her cry like it used to. This was the same thing. And unlike her father, Bellamy would come back. Hopefully.

Kiltit lapset näkyvät, mutta eivät kuulu. 

Lyra

  • ***
  • Viestejä: 1 353
Chapter one
six years later
Clarke puts Madison into her car seat. Her kid smiles to her and that is the most beautiful thing Clarke has ever seen. She gets in and starts the car. They are going over to Raven’s to eat mexican food. It’s a weekly thing. They drink tequila and eat tacos and Madi entertains them with dance shows. Then they put Madi to sleep and talk about everything (mostly about sex, Raven’s boyfriend and sex). Sometimes Octavia joins them and then they talk about sex, Raven’s boyfriend, Octavia’s boyfriend and sex. And in the morning Madi wakes them all up at six and Clarke has to make her pancakes.

Madi loves those nights as much as Clarke. It’s Clarke only time in the week when she can feel free. At Raven’s, she is not only a mother to her awesome five-year-old, but also a woman with friends. Madi has friends of her own, but still loves her aunt-Raven and Octavia (who hates when she is called aunt). And Raven and Octavia absolutely adore her.

Clarke parks outside the apartment complex where Raven lives. Raven is already there waving and Madi starts giggling. Clarke helps her out of the car and they both hug Raven.
“Octavia said she is going to be late”, Raven informs them when they go inside and Madi calls the elevator. Raven smiles and talks with Madi when they ride the elevator to the 8th floor. Raven’s face is all joy when she opens the door and Madi runs into the apartment. Still, Clarke knows that something is wrong. Something has to be wrong. She has that feeling.

It was only going to be five years, but six have passed. Clarke hopes that he is coming back, but she knows that it’s not going to happen. Bellamy is gone. They haven’t heard from him for three years. Nobody is expecting him to come back anymore. The apartment smells like tacos and Clarke takes her shoes off because Raven hates vacuuming. Madi is already playing with the dolls that Raven has bought for her. And Raven is walking towards her with two glasses of tequila in her hands.

“For tacos”, Raven says.
“For tacos”, Clarke repeats. They both laugh and drink. Madi comes and shows her dolls that they have already seen a thousand times.
“So why is Octavia late?” Clarke asks. And then she sees it. A little shadow in Raven’s eyes before she answers.
“It’s Lincoln”, Raven says. “They are having wild sex or something.” Raven rolls her eyes. Clarke smiles and the feeling goes away for a minute.

They talk about Roan, Raven’s boyfriend, and the cute guy Clarke saw at Walmart. She got his number and has already sent him a text.
“Finn sounds like a great guy”, Raven says.
“I hope he is”, Clarke says.
“You told him about Madi yet?” Raven asks.
“Well Madi was with me”, Clarke says smiling. “I hope he doesn’t back away because of her. Of course, I want to love someone and be in a relationship, but Madi is more important and I love her more than anything.”
“Don’t you want Madi to have a father?” Raven asks and the feeling comes back. Something is wrong.

“I do, but he has to love Madi too, not just me”, Clarke says. Raven nods and then goes back to the kitchen to make them another drink. She comes back and for a minute they sit in a silence and drink. It’s not tequila this time.
“And I made that decision six years ago”, Clarke says. “Not telling Bellamy that he has a daughter.” She stops for a second.
“It’s okay”, Clarke says. ”Maybe Finn is going to be her father maybe not, we’ll see.”

“Hello bitches, I’m back!” Octavia yells when she comes in. She has her own key to Raven’s apartment just like Clarke has. The doors are always open to Raven’s.
“Watch your language”, Clarke says immediately. “Madi is here.” Octavia smiles when she comes to the living room.
“Where’s my little monkey?” she asks and Madi who has heard Octavia's voice runs to her.
“Octavia”, Madi giggles and Octavia lifts her up to her arms.

“How about my drink?” Octavia asks when she sits next to Clarke to the sofa. Clarke rolls her eyes and Raven goes to the kitchen again.
“Can I taste it?” Madi asks when Raven gets back and gives her a glass.
“It’s adults only”, Raven says.
“When am I adult?” Madi asks and looks up to Octavia.
“At the same time when you can date boys”, Octavia answers and Clarke laughs.

They make tacos and Madi basically falls asleep the second that the tacos are eaten. Clarke carries her to Raven’s bed. Her brown hair is fuzzy. She looks so much like Bellamy. It breaks Clarke’s heart. She misses him so much. But he is gone. Madi has Bellamy’s smile.

Clarke takes a second to think about Finn, the handsome young man she met in Walmart. Finn had made her laugh. The short moment talking with Finn almost made her forget Bellamy. That was a step to right direction.

“Clarke, we are waiting!” Octavia yells from the living room.
“Clarke, Octavia is drunk!” Raven shouts.
“Not drunk enough!” Octavia says. Clarke comes back laughing.
“You two are stupid”, she says. Raven hands her another drink.
“You still love us”, Raven says. They all smile. Clarke loves this. She loves her two best friends. She loves taco-days. She loves Madi.

They drink and talk. About life, sex and kids. Octavia wants one too, but Lincoln isn’t ready yet. Raven doesn’t want kids, she likes being an aunt, only an aunt. They are all happily drunk.
“I got a phone call today”, Octavia tells. Something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong. Raven is quiet. She already knows, Clarke realises.

“He’s alive”, Octavia says. No names, but Clarke already knows who they are talking about.  “And he’s back”, she continues. Clarke freezes.
“Who is back?” She still has to ask. She has to be sure.
“Bellamy”, Octavia says. “Bellamy is back.”

Bellamy really is back. He calls Clarke later that night. She almost cries when she hears his voice.
“Hi”, Bellamy says.
“Hi”, Clarke says. There is a moment of silence.
“I’m back”, he then says.
“I know”, she says.

They don’t talk much after that. Bellamy doesn’t tell her about the six years and Clarke doesn’t ask. They don’t talk about the time before he left. Clarke says that she is happy that he’s back. Bellamy says that he’s glad to be. Octavia wants to talk with Bellamy too. She yells that she loves him. Bellamy laughs at the other end of the line. Raven says that she too loves Bellamy. Clarke is quiet. She knows that Bellamy won’t expect her to say the magic words.

“Let’s talk later”, Clarke says and hangs up. Octavia has tears in her eyes and Raven smiles. Madi comes from the bedroom rubbing her eyes.
“What’s going on?” she asks.
“Bellamy is back”, Octavia says.
“It’s her brother”, Raven explains. Madi climbs into her mother’s lap.

“You have to sleep honey”, Clarke says to her daughter.
“I don’t want to sleep if you are awake”, Madi argues. Her voice is full of five-year-old’s strength.
“I know sweetie, but you need sleep more than we do”, Clarke says and kisses her little daughters forehead.

Clarke and Madi return home in the morning. Clarke is tired like always after taco night. Even though Madi is explaining in great detail about something she had seen outside, Clarke cannot concentrate on her daughter's words. Bellamy is the only thing in her mind. She has dreamed about this moment so much. Still, it doesn’t feel right. Bellamy is back, but things between them aren’t back to normal. Clarke knows the reason. She heard the voice on the other end of the phone. The voice that called Bellamy honey, a woman’s voice. Bellamy isn’t hers anymore, though he never was. She can never tell him about Madi.

***

They throw a party to welcome Bellamy back home. Clarke can’t go. She doesn’t have a babysitter, or that’s what she tells her friends. Bellamy comes with a girl. That is when Raven realises why Clarke isn’t there. Nobody else noticed.
“Hi”, Bellamy says and awkwardly shakes Raven’s hand.
“This is Echo, my girlfriend”, he says then. Raven smiles at the brunette and nods.
“Nice to meet you”, she says.
“You too. Bellamy has told me so much about you”, Echo says and Raven doesn’t know how she can hate her.

Monty and Harper are there too. After some time has passed Bellamy starts wondering why Clarke isn’t there.
He decides to ask.
“Hey where’s Clarke? ” he asks Harper as she walks over from across the room.
“I think she’s at home with her kid.”
Bellamy’s eye widen.
“She has a kid?” he asks as he mentally processes this new information. ”Isn't she a little young to have a kid?”
Raven rolls her eyes.
“How old is he?” he asks, still a little confused.
“She”, Octavia corrects him quickly “and she is five.”
Bellamy freezes.
“Who’s the father?”
“We don’t know.”

Kiltit lapset näkyvät, mutta eivät kuulu.