Fandom: the 100 (TV)
Vastuunvapaus: En omista kyseistä sarjaa, enkä saa tästä tuotoksesta rahaa
Ficin nimi: I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Kirjoitta: Lyra
Beta: a-nonbinarypidge-universe
Ikäraja: K-11
Varoitukset: -
A/N: Julkaisin tämän aiemmin jo AO3:ssa, mutta kirjoitin uudestaan enkkuhaasteen (https://www.finfanfun.fi/index.php?topic=47357.0) myötä.
I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Prologue
Clarke knows that Bellamy would want her to tell him. She knows how Bellamy would react to the news and what would happen after that. Bellamy would refuse to leave and the possibility of getting all the Azgeda leaders to jail for the rest of their lives would be lost. That’s why Clarke can’t tell him. Bellamy would want to do the right thing and Clarke couldn’t possibly let him do that.
It’s not like they’re really together. At least, they haven’t talked about it. Despite the fact that Bellamy has ended up sleeping over at Clarke's place more and more. They can’t go to Bellamy’s - Octavia still lives at home and despite the fact that Bellamy wouldn’t mind, Clarke can’t have sex while knowing that her best friend, and Bellamy’s little sister, is sleeping in the next room.
Clarke has two best friends: Raven and Octavia. They have known each other for ages and usually Clarke tells them absolutely everything. Not this time. Clarke can’t even consider telling Octavia - she would accidentally blurt that out to her brother. Raven wouldn't tell Bellamy but she would make Clarke tell him herself, and that is basically the same thing. So no one knows that Clarke is pregnant, no one but Clarke herself.
Since she can't tell any of her friends nor her family she has to make the decision herself. And that's easy, don’t tell Bellamy. She might end up raising her future child alone, but she can't tell Bellamy. Bellamy is all about doing the right thing. Clarke knows him. So she doesn't say a word when Bellamy calls her one last time before leaving. At the end of the phone call, there is a short silence, Bellamy breathes heavily to the phone and it almost feels like he is right next to her
"Bye Clarke. Take care", Bellamy says. No "I love you", no "I'll miss you" just "take care". And Clarke almost cries when she hangs up and puts her phone away. Bellamy will be gone for five years. By then their child will have already been born, be over 4 years old. Clarke feels bad that her child has to grow up without father, but it's better that way. She knows that being a teenage-mom will be difficult, but she will survive that. She is strong - that's what her father used to tell her, and what her mom still says.
And it's only going to be for the next five years. After a couple of months, she could tell her mom and stepdad about the child. And she would tell Raven and Octavia the second she was sure that Bellamy could not come back. It wasn’t because she didn't love him, (she did) but she wasn’t t ready to commit and she wanted Bellamy to take this job. After all, it was her dad who was dead because of the Azgeda. And if she had told Bellamy, they would be married in few months (because that was the right thing to do with a pregnant woman) and she was too young for that. Well some could say she was too young to have a child, but that was already happening.
Maybe Bellamy hadn't told her that he would miss her, but Clarke would certainly miss him. That feeling would ease over the years, but it would always be there. She still missed her father but it didn't make her cry like it used to. This was the same thing. And unlike her father, Bellamy would come back. Hopefully.