Title: Never to Keep
Author: Angelina
Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3
Rating: S
Paring: Astarion/Angelina
Summary: But Angelina knows that it won’t last.
A/N: Parita itsesi -haasteen dedis on ihan itse asettamanani tänään, eikä tullut ees kiire 
En nyt oo tähän kyllä ihan 100 % tyytyväinen, mutta koska olisin mihinkään kirjoittamaani, joten... Tää on vaan tällaista angstista Astarion!lovee, jossa hyödynsin myös LW22 -haasteesta saamani lyriikat (Passenger - Let Her Go) ja joista nappasin myös ficille nimen. Kommentteja arvostan aina, jos tän joku bongaa 
(kaksi kursiivilla kirjoitettua Astarion quotea ovat suoraan BG3-pelistä, niistä en ota kunniaa)
Haasteet: Parita itsesi fiktiiviselle hahmolle VI ja Lyrics Wheel 22
NEVER TO KEEP
Astarion shifts in his sleep, and the campfire’s dying light catches his pale face. He lets out a quiet, very much not Astarion-like snore, and Angelina has to suppress a smile.
Their whole little group is gathered around the fire for the night, as usual, but once more sleep has completely abandoned their de facto leader.
They’re getting closer and closer to Baldur’s Gate, and Angelina knows that all of her companions have unfinished business in the city. She has an irrational feeling of
loss, even though they’re all still together and no one has actually expressed any sign of wanting to leave.
All of them together have formed a unique group of people, one that Angelina never saw coming. And it didn’t happen easily — there definitely was some tension, still is, but they’ve grown to respect and have each other’s backs in battle. They’ve also had a huge impact on Angelina, and she loves every single one of them for it.
Well, one of them she loves a bit differently than the others.
She turns her gaze from the stars to the bedroll closest to her, and another smile appears on her face. And this time she doesn’t even try to stop it.
For once, Astarion seems genuinely blissful. There’s no trace of disgust, disappointment or anger on his face — or any other negative emotion that so often clouds his expression.
Bliss looks good on him.
Angelina lets out a deep breath, and she can practically feel the melancholy take over her body. She’ll miss all of them terribly, but Astarion…
Astarion will take her heart with him when he leaves.
They had a rocky start, just like most of them, but there was underlying tension there since day one. They were snarky, pushing each other’s buttons, but after Astarion got caught trying to bite her, something shifted a bit. He became more open, revealing that he was actually a vampire on a run from his master, and more honest, not hiding every thought behind a sly comment.
The tension between them escalated at the tiefling party, when Astarion propositioned her. She tried to act cool and collected, but there was never any doubt of what her answer would be, so they spent the night together.
And another night.
The illusion of
“maybe it is not just sex” got violently cracked, when Astarion finally revealed that he had only slept with her so that they’d get close, and so that he could manipulate her. He wanted protection until they got to the city, and then preferably Angelina’s help to take down his vampire master Cazador Szarr.
“Look, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan — seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you'd never turn on me. It was easy — instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in. All you had to do was fall for it.”And how it had
hurt. Hurt worse than most of the curses cast on her, certainly more than a couple of goblin punches. Angelina still remembers the gut-wrenching feeling, the anger, the humiliation. She also remembers how she tried to turn away, to run, to hide, to be anywhere but there, when Astarion had gently grabbed her hand, and continued:
“And all I had to do was not fall for you...which is where my nice, simple plan fell apart. You … you’re incredible. You deserve something real. I want us to be something real.”She will never in her right mind admit it, but Astarion’s confession made her heart sing, and they became inseparable after that. They went to all of their scouting missions together, fought battles side by side, and spent their nights close to each other. Sometimes clothed, sometimes not.
But Angelina knows that it won’t last.
If they survive Cazador, and if they can beat what’s left of the Chosen Three, and if they can figure out what to do with the Elder brain (a lot of
ifs), there’s still the fact that Astarion plans on ascending to an all powerful vampire lord — something that Angelina does not agree on.
And not only because she knows that she’ll mean nothing after that.
Astarion has opened up about his traumatic past, about the horrors he has endured at the hands of his power-hungry master, but his plan to become the vampire ascendant… To Angelina, it sounds pretty much continuing in Cazador’s footsteps. If Astarion follows this dream, Angelina is certain that what he was — is — will be lost. He’ll become corrupted, and just as monstrous as the man that used to torture and torment him.
But it is not her place to question it. She knows how important it is to Astarion to finally be free from the horrors he’s gone through, and if this is the way he sees fit… Then Angelina has to be okay with it. She’s promised to help, after all.
She turns on her side once more, looking at the man next to him.
They haven’t known each other for long, and their honesty has lasted an even shorter time, but she’d do anything for him. Even if it means getting her heart broken by it.
So the next morning, when Astarion wakes up smiling at her, Angelina hides her pain and smiles back.
Anything.
Passenger - Let Her Go
Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
But you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go,
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low,
Only hate the road when you're missing home,
Only know you love her when you let her go.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark,
Same old empty feeling in your heart,
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast,
Well you see her when you fall asleep,
But never to touch and never to keep,
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep.
Well you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go,
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low,
Only hate the road when you're missing home,
Only know you love her when you let her go,
And you let her go,
Oh oh oh no,
And you let her go,
Oh oh oh no,
Well you let her go.
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go,
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low,
Only hate the road when you're missing home,
Only know you love her when you let her go,.
'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go,
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home,
Only know you love her when you let her go,
And you let her go...
